It’s been a while since I have talked about my infertility. This is my only outlet anymore besides the Facebook infertility support group that is becoming almost unbearable to go to anymore. I try to forget it-honestly I do. Around the holidays is the most difficult time in having this disease( yes, I call it a disease, and so does my Gynecologist and Reproductive Endocrinologist.) With all the advertisements seducing you to buy the next best toy to all the pregnant women lingering around the hospital I work at. Every week for the last month a new baby announcement has been on the fridge in the lounge at work. All the talk going on around me about what they are getting for their children and what they are doing for Christmas, all the Christmas family photos on fb of people’s children…I can’t help but be sad, no matter how hard I try to push out this empty feeling in my stomach and a very broken heart over the matter that my husband I still have no child to celebrate Christmas with.
I am sick to death with this stupid disease. Why can so many others not even think about getting pregnant and it happens for them; yet I have tried just about everything except IVF! 5 plus years later I have nothing to show for all the effort that has been put into such a natural thing. I just want this infertile “journey” to end or for Christmas I would like a pill that can make me forget these harsh feelings.
The fact that rape victims can get pregnant puts this one to rest pretty quickly. I can’t think of too many situations that are more stressful than that.
Of course, I was experiencing anxiety over this, but telling me that I need to relax sounds like you’re blaming me. Infertility is a kind of illness, a malfunction of one of the body’s systems, so please treat it that way. You wouldn’t tell a cancer patient that she’ll get well if she will “relax”, would you?
-Oh, you’re still young. It’ll happen.
I’m not that young and how do you know it’ll happen?
You are not clairvoyant. Don’t give me false hope based on nothing more than your need to be “supportive”.
-There’s probably a reason for it.
Like, maybe, my child is going to be the next Hitler or Manson? Something like that?
Would you ever tell a parent with a severely deformed child that there was a reason for it?
Sometimes bad stuff just happens, and that’s that. At least that’s the way I look at things. Please respect that.
-My cousin adopted a baby, and then one year later, boom, she was pregnant!
I am not sure yet how to use this site or how to share it. I want to start something that I can share with people-ones that I know and perhaps strangers too on an insight to what it is like to be an infertile in this baby making happy world. Don’t jump to conclusions that this is going to be some…
i’ll listen anytime you need to talk about it! i don’t know much about infertility or fertility for that matter, but i do know that you are my sister and i care! you sharing your thoughts and stories to other’s who have no idea what it’s like to go through can help to educate us about it and how to support someone who is dealing with the harsh reality of the matter. i love you.
Thanks Jenn, I was so nervous about starting this because it is rather personal and expressing the way I feel about this obstacle in my life is extremely hard. I feel like I have to express this anger, guilt, frustration, etc. someway. People, I know just don’t know what to say and I realize people are trying to just say anything to make me feel better but sometimes, people say things best when they say nothing at all and just let me know I can vent and not feel guilty about the way i’m feeling. Your support, and anyone’s support may just be able to help guide me through my infertility.